Charlie Sheen Quotes ( The Crazy Ones )

Charlie Sheen, born Carlos Estevez, has dominated the media following the cancellation of the rest of this year’s episodes of Two and Half Men. To add fuel to Charlie’s fire (thought it doesn’t seem like he needs any more internal combustion), Warner Bros officially fired Charlie Sheen this morning.

So here we will list Charlie’s craziest quotes. Some of these quotes will be re-quoted, recycled, re-used, and live in popular culture for years.

Crazy Charlie Sheen Quotes

On his natural high:

I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.

On how he survived his other highs:

I probably took more than anybody could survive. … I was bangin’ seven-gram rocks and finishing them because that’s how I roll, because I have one speed, one gear. … I’m different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man. Dying’s for fools, dying’s for amateurs.

On suing CBS:

I don’t have a job. I’ve got a whole family to support and love. People a lot more important than me are relying on that money to fuel the magic.

On whether he is a violent person:

When it’s needed to protect my family, absolutely. And it’s unlike anything you will ever see.

On his daily life:

It’s perfect. It’s awesome. Every day is just filled with just wins. All we do is put wins in the record books. We win so radically in our underwear before our first cup of coffee, it’s scary. People say it’s lonely at the top, but I sure like the view.

On his predilection for porn stars:

They’re the best at what they do and I’m the best at what I do. And together it’s like, it’s on. Sorry, Middle America. Yeah, I said it.

On why he won’t get married again:

I tried marriage. I’m 0 for 3 with the marriage thing. So, being a ballplayer — I believe in numbers. I’m not going 0 for 4. I’m not wearing a golden sombrero.

On partying:

I mean, what’s not to love? Especially when you see how I party man, it’s epic. The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them, just look like droopy-eyed, armless children.

On what his daughters with his ex-wife Denise Richards will think of him:

They’ll wake up one day and realize how cool dad is. And, you know, signs all the checks on the front, not the back. And you know, we need him and we need his wisdom and his bitchin’ness.

On talk of John Stamos replacing him on Two and a Half Men:

I like John, but he doesn’t have what I have and the show sucks if he’s on it. Sorry, just speaking the truth.

On curing himself of addiction:

I closed my eyes and made it so with the power of my mind, and unlearned 22 years of fiction … the fiction of AA. It’s a silly book written by a broken-down fool.

On how he avoids relapsing:

I just don’t do it. I will not believe that if I do something then I have to follow a certain path because it was written for normal people. People who aren’t special. People who don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA.

On the public’s opinion of him following his outbursts:

If people think I’m insane or they don’t think that what I’m saying is true, I have no interest in their retarded opinions. I’m gonna live my life the way I want, I’m gonna win inside every moment, and they can just find the most comfortable chair in their small house and sit back and enjoy the show.

On people who believe he should get help:

Fools. Trolls. Weak. Defeated.

On why CBS should beg him to come back, and if they don’t, he doesn’t care:

Duh, winning! It’s, like, guys, IMDB right there, 62 movies and a ton of success. I mean, c’mon bro, I won best picture at 20. I wasn’t even trying. I wasn’t even warm.

(Sheen must be referring to “Platoon” which won Best Picture in 1986. We think maybe Best Director Oscar winner Oliver Stone, Best Picture Oscar winner producer Arnold Kopelson, Best Editing Oscar winner Claire Simpson, the Oscar-nominated “Platoon” actors Tom Berenger and Willem Dafoe and the Oscar-nominated screenplay from Stone might have also had something to do with it.)

On missing rehearsals for Two and Half Men:

[Let me] quote the great Allen Iverson. ‘C’mon guys, we’re talkin’ about practice!’

And finally, on himself:

I’m tired of pretending like I’m not special. I’m tired of pretending like I’m not bitching, a total fricking rock star from Mars, and people can’t figure me out, they can’t process me. I don’t expect them to. You can’t process me with a normal brain.

More Quotes

During a phone call with Bob Maron on his Internet telecast Sheen’s Korner:

I’m gonna write my sermons, I’m gonna deliver them like truth torpedoes, and people are gonna f **king take it or leave it, we know they’re gonna take it cause they can’t process it, so they must condemn it.

similar articles

Leave a Reply